Resistance, Day Two

What it feels like to let go!

tinalear

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image courtesy of stock.adobe.com + canva + author

Wow. Yesterday I wrote about resistance. Our resistance to all things good for us. How hard it is to resist, for instance, a Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream bar, and how easy it is to just fall back into bed after the alarm goes off.

In that post, I said I would make tiny notations of when I resist any of my many temptations. I also said I would engage my imagination in the moment. So that when there’s an unhealthy Whatever calling to me, I would imagine facing it and saying no. And I told myself I’d imagine that ‘no’ as the headwind so necessary to an airplane trying taking off. Without facing into the wind, the airplane can’t get airborne as easily.

Well, guess what? I did it. There’s this stretch of road that I frequent quite a lot, because of where it is logistically. I’m usually alone doing errands or whatnot. So I’m driving along, minding my own business, and what comes up but the Exxon gas station. Do I need gas? No. I filled up yesterday. But, but…

They’re the ones who reliably stock the Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream bars.

Now, let’s not go demonizing Häagen-Dazs or coffee or ice cream. That’s not what this is about. For me, this treat contains copious amounts of sugar. And I’m trying to let go of sugar.

In the past, I have patronized this establishment almost every day. Usually I’m alone. Nobody has to know. I do it like an alcoholic. The gas station is there. I’m in and out, fast. And somehow, the magical thinking is — If I’m alone when I eat it, and I’m not seen by anyone I know, then it didn’t really happen. I’m embarrassed by how true I made that feel.

Anyway, yesterday, I’m driving on the road with the Exxon gas station and all its Not Gas Products. I catch myself thinking nobody has to know. But then I remember my blogpost from only yesterday. (I really really want that ice cream bar. And I’m alone. No one will know.)

This is where the rubber meets the road. (Or separates from it, if I’m successful.) I call on the picture of an airplane taking off, pointing right into the wind. I face the wind of my own effort to make a healthier choice. I imagine the difficulty of that effort creating all the lift for me to become airborne. It was amazing how much fun…

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tinalear

Novelist. Poet. Musician. Buddhist. Quilter. Animal lover. Visible grownup. Hidden child. Secret dancer when all alone. Makes good bread.